Feeling threatened by the young
man’s towering and hostile presence, Ted gave him a weak smile and said, ‘I’m,
er, pleased to meet you.’
‘Wish
I could say the same for you,’ Bamber replied.
Donald
laughed softly. ‘You must excuse my friend.
He thinks everyone is...’
He stopped and fixed Bamber with a stern,
fatherly look. Now please don’t take it
out on everyone because you’ve had a bad day.
Ted is interested in Shakespeare, that’s all.
End of story.’
‘And
what does she do when she’s not
watching Shakespeare?’
‘You’d
better ask him, hadn’t you,’ said
Donald, emphasising the pronoun. ‘Now
what would you like to drink?’
‘I’ll
have a pint of lager.’
While
Donald went to the bar, Bamber sat opposite Ted, who felt uncomfortable and gripped
his glass tightly.
‘Whereabouts
d’you live?’ Bamber asked him.
‘Molyneux
Park Road.’
‘What
number?’
Without
thinking, Ted told him, then immediately regretted it.
Bamber repeated the number several times,
committing it to memory for some reason.
‘You in the antiques game?’
Ted
flushed. ‘No, I work for South Eastern
Trains.’
Bamber’s
eyes lit up.‘Really?
I’ve always wanted to be a train driver.
Ever since I was so high.’
‘I’m
not a driver. I’m a guard.’
‘Oh,’
said Bamber with a sneer in his voice.
‘Didn’t quite make driver, eh? So
what’s a British Rail guard doing living in Molyneux
Park Road?’
‘My
wife inherited the house.’
‘Your
wife!’ Bamber stressed with mock surprise.
Ted had the distinct impression the young man was toying with him,
waiting for an opportunity to humiliate him.
He was relieved when Donald returned.
‘Why
you have to drink pints at this time of night,’ Donald complained as he placed
the beer in front of Bamber. He sat next
to Ted and said conspiratorially: ‘If he has too many beers, he snores.
Either that or he’ll be up half the night.’
‘Chance
would be a fine thing,’ said Bamber.
Embarrassed
by this glimpse into their personal life, Ted cast his eyes down.
‘Oh
pleeeease!’ said Donald with pretend shock.
‘Save us from these inane Carry On
style double entendres.’
Bamber
leaned across the table. ‘Well how’s
this for a single
entendre? Up yours!’
Deliberately
ignoring him, Donald spoke to Ted .‘Our
interests have always differed. I like
opera and he likes noise.’
‘Heavy
metal,’ explained Bamber.
Donald
brushed it aside and continued. ‘I adore Shakespeare and Bamber lives
exclusively on a diet of violent films featuring muscle men, morons and
robots.’
‘You’re
a cultural snob, ’Bamber said flatly.
‘He
just can’t understand how two people can enjoy a non-physical relationship.’
‘Don’t
give me that old cobblers. Non-physical,
platonic and oh-so-intellectual, darling!
I think your new friend is gay.
He just doesn’t know it himself yet.’
Ted
blushed again, opened his mouth to protest but was unable to speak.
Bamber stood up, downed what was left of his
pint, then leant over them threateningly.
‘I
think it’s time Ted was outed.’
Donald
laughed. ‘You can only ‘out’ someone
who’s a celebrity, dear boy. Ted’s
sexual preferences would not make the back page of the Nether Wallop
Gazette. It’s just not news.’
‘It
might be to his wife.’
This
was Bamber’s exit line. Without looking
at either of them he walked out into the street, leaving Ted frozen with
terror.
‘Take
no notice,’ said Donald. ‘He’s only
bluffing.’
‘But
it’s not true,’ mumbled Ted.
‘I
know it’s not. You know it’s not.
But Bamber...’
Ted
felt angry suddenly. ‘How can you sound
so bloody cheerful? As if it’s all a
game.’
‘Don’t
get upset.’
‘I
don’t think we’d better meet each other again.
Not if it’s going to be...’
Donald
took a small envelope out of his pocket.
‘And what am I going to do with these?
I’d bought us tickets to see The
Barber of Seville at the Coliseum. I
thought you might like it.’
Ted
sighed and sipped his beer. ‘Look, I
appreciate the...er...’
‘It
was more than a gesture, Ted. I bought
them because I like you. I couldn’t take
Bamber. He’d only fidget
throughout. Whereas you...you share the
same interests as me.’
Ted
looked lost. Confused.
‘But what am I going to do about...’
‘Your
wife? You were telling me how much you
hate her. Sooner or later you’re going
to have to decide what you want to do.’
‘I
know,’ Ted agreed mournfully. ‘But just
for tonight I wish I could disappear and not have to go back and face her.
Especially now.
Bamber might be with her at any moment,
telling her about us.’
*
Millie carried in a bowl of batter
from the back room and chuckled .‘It’s
good to see the boss in working clothes.
A treat. A rare treat.’
‘If
I had a pound for every time you’ve said that tonight,’ said Gary,
scooping a batch of fresh chips from the fryer.
Millie
laughed irritatingly. ‘Well, you must
admit, Gary, we rarely see you this
side of the counter.’
‘Is
it usually this quiet?’
‘Not
usually, no. But Man-U’s playing an
important match tonight.’
‘You
might as well shoot off home then,’ offered Gary.
She
looked suspicious, so he gave her his most disarming smile.
‘I’ll
still pay you the full rate, have no fears.
I just thought you might fancy an early night.’
She
didn’t wait to be asked twice. As soon
as she had gone, Gary shut the shop
and called Sharon on his mobile.
‘Hi,
sweetheart,’ he said.‘ It’s me.
All alone in the Maidstone
chippie. Fancy a drive out in my passion
wagon to a secluded spot?’
IN EPISODE EIGHTEEN ON TUESDAY
Nigel finds his love life far from
smooth, and Mary becomes involved in something dodgy.
