EPISODE TWENTY-FOUR
After dropping Mary off, Dave
arrived home to find three messages on his answering machine.
The first was from an anonymous caller. A
man’s voice, young and aggressive.
‘Your
jokes are pathetic, Whitby.
Like you.
An’ that car’s an eyesore. Like
you an’ all. Think you can litter the
street like that? How would you like it
if we dropped litter through your letter box?
Loads of dogs round here to provide the necessary.
So get rid of the banger, Whitby.
Before we turn your gaff into a dog bog.’
The
caller hung up and the machine bleeped.
Waves of depression washed over Dave.
His mouth felt dry, and for the first time in years, since giving up
alcohol, he felt like a drink.
But
the next message was from a theatre producer, offering him a summer season at
the Pier Pavilion, Cromer. His
depression vanished instantly. He
scribbled the details on a notepad and waited for his final message.
It was Harvey Boyle.
‘Dave,
I’ve just had a call from George, owner of the pub.
He tells me you and Mary didn’t exactly do a
stormer.’
‘That’s
an understatement, Harvey,’ Dave
replied to the machine.
‘By
all accounts it was a tasty venue. Professional types.
Rugger supporters.
None of your football riff-raff.
So what went wrong?’
‘I
told you,’ Dave yelled, ‘I don’t do stags.
I needed the money.’
‘I
wish you’d told me you only do good clean kiddie-winkie stuff.
Soon as you come in, give us a bell, will
you?’
The
machine gave its final bleep. Dave
immediately picked up the phone and dialled Harvey’s
number. The agent answered right away,
as if he’d been waiting for the call.
‘H.
B. Enterprises.’
‘It’s
Dave Whitby here.’
‘You
got my message?’
‘It’s
why I’m ringing.’
‘I
tried your mobile but...’
‘I
forgot to switch it back on after my act.’
‘That’s
what I wanted to talk to you about. Your
act. George was not too pleased with the
standard of entertainment.’
‘Now
look – let’s just get one thing clear – you asked me to do this as a favour,
because your usual comic was not available.
You know very well I don’t normally do stags.’
Harvey
sniffed loudly. ‘Well, not to
worry. I’ve managed to patch things
up. I’ve offered him a return visit of
my German stripper. Really dirty she
is. He was quite happy in the end.
So no worries.
I’m still going to pay you.’
‘Oh,
thanks very much!’
‘Well,
you must admit, the act was a bit iffy.’
‘They
were a load of drunken pigs. You about
tomorrow?’
‘Yes.
Why?’
Boyle
exaggerated the suspicion in his tone, and Dave imagined the agent’s eyes
narrowing.
‘Is
it okay if I pop down to Hastings
tomorrow to pick up some cash?’
‘Cash!’
Boyle sounded horrified. ‘Did I say anything about cash?
Sorry, Dave, there’ll be a cheque in the
post.’
The second broken promise,
thought Dave.
As if the agent
guessed what he was thinking, he chuckled and said, ‘You’ll get your money.
No problem.’
Dave sighed.
‘It’s just that...I start rehearsals in a couple of weeks.
For a summer season.
I’ll be away for some time.’
‘That was short
notice. Someone drop out?’
‘Probably.’
‘And will you be
closing the first or the second half of the show?’
Dave became
almost inaudible through embarrassment.
‘Um...I think they said something about opening the second half.’
Harvey
laughed cruelly. ‘How the mighty have fallen,
eh? Still, it’s work. And don’t worry
about the cheque. It won’t be one of
your broken promises. Good luck wherever
it is you’re going.’
‘Cromer in
Norfolk.’
‘Yeah, well,
you’ll need it. Be seeing you.’
The line went
dead. Dave replaced the receiver and
thought about his situation. First of
all someone in the street was out to get him, unless he got the car
shifted. Secondly, he was stony broke;
borrowing on his credit cards was up to the hilt...
The phone rang,
making him jump. He snatched at it angrily, expecting another threatening
call. It was a female voice.
‘That was
quick. Were you waiting for it to ring?’
Dave
laughed. ‘Story of my life.
I know we exchanged phone numbers, and you
promised to call soon, but that was only fifteen minutes ago, Mary.’
‘How did you
know it was me?’
‘I recognized
your voice. So what did you leave in the
car?’
‘Nothing. I
just...I just felt like talking to someone.
And you were really kind to me at that awful...’
‘Is something
wrong?’
There was a long
pause. She sounded on the brink of
tears.
‘Mary.
What’s wrong?’
‘It never rains
but it pours. When I got home there was
a letter from the landlord. I’ve had
notice to quit. I’ve got a month to find
somewhere else.’
‘Can they do
that? I thought occupation was nine
tenths of the law.’
‘That’s what I
thought. But the property’s being sold,
and the lease clearly states...’ She started sobbing.
‘I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean to burden you with my problems.
It’s just...I’m such an idiot.
I’m so disorganised. I just hoped something
would turn up.’
Dave took a deep
breath, hoping he wouldn’t regret what he was going to say.
‘Well something
has turned up. I’ve been offered a
summer season in Norfolk.
You can stay at my place until you find
somewhere else. It’ll be empty all
summer.’
‘Oh, Dave,’ she
said, controlling her flood of tears.
‘How can I ever show you how grateful I am?’
She didn’t see
the smile that lit up his face.
‘I’ll think of
something,’ he joked.
NEXT EPISODE COMING UP ON THURSDAY